I am about to share a novel, brilliant and simple suggestion. You will not be prepared for it. When you hear it, your shoulders will sink, a weight will be lifted, and you will be filled with lightness and hope. I think. Ready?
Let’s stop talking about judgment and mommy wars. These things are ridiculous and have no place in conversations where we are trying to improve for our children.
Sit with it.
Sit with it.
“But I’m not judging” you say. “They are judging me and it’s NOT FAIR!” What if you just stopped caring? Right now. What if from this moment on you owned your decisions- whether they were mistakes or ideal- and stopped giving a flying fuck about what other people say to you?
What if instead, you proceed in information seeking mode; constantly striving to know more, learn more, improve and expand your understanding? What if every single interaction was meant only to teach you- to help you determine what is best for your family?
Marinate in this.
Revel in this.
Could it be liberating? Would it free you to be better- happier?
This would mean that from now on when you want to tell somebody to stop judging you, you just… wouldn’t. Every time a conversation about judgment presented itself, you would stop participating- stop fighting, stop defending, and just… move on.
Conversations about mommy wars and judgment do no good for anybody. They are self serving- we use them to defend our own regretful choices. They do not help us improve. They do not teach us how to connect more deeply with our children or improve our family dynamic. They keep us stuck in a perpetual and circular track of the same small minded, little and negative conversations.
Let’s shift our conversations away from ourselves and back to our children.
We might wonder what will be left if we do not talk about judgment and mommy wars. For a while we may not know what to do. Maybe there would be a void. What would fill it?
Here is my guess: warmth and honesty. Truth and experience. Mistakes and vulnerability. Tears and heartache. Sadness and grief. Support and compassion. Support. And compassion.
Our exchanges- our lives– might be very different. Maybe we would parent in ways we did not expect, and relate to each other differently- more authentically. This might allow us to draw on each others successes and mistakes to improve our relationships with our children.
What if we all committed to this? Would mothers begin to support mothers? Would this group of consumers and decision makers begin to see what families need? Would this lead to us collectively demanding it?
It seems far fetched, I know. After all, we cannot be responsible for the choices of other people. We can do this for ourselves though. Starting right now. We can just stop talking about judgment and mommy wars. If nobody talks about them, will they still exist?
There is only one way to find out. Are you in?
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