Our current sleeping arrangements look like this: daddy and I as bookends, you next to daddy, then Sydney, then me. We have switched it up a couple of times, but mostly Sydney still likes to nurse at night, so she is next to me.
Our current sleeping hours differ though. For the past month you and I have been staying up until late, and sleeping accordingly in the morning. Daddy and Sydney go to sleep at a “normal” hour and your dad wakes early to come downstairs to work. When he hears Sydney, he collects her from the bed to join him.
This is a wonderful part of the morning for me; you sense that the space has opened and scooch your way over to me. My arm lifts, you move closer until our noses touch and you let my arms envelope you. Just like it was for the first 26 months of your life.
As we were snuggling this morning I said “Owen, do you know what is so neat about being a mom?” “What mommy?” you asked. “When a mom looks at her little boys face, she stills sees her baby”.
Your smile was knowing and intimate and you understood exactly what I was telling you.
The adjustment of a family is always difficult when you are paying attention. Now though, we are coming out on the other side and you and I have gotten back to where we were before Sydney was born. I love our closeness and how well we know each other. I love that you now remember how important you are to me.
Being your mom is so enjoyable. I get to learn about you; your thoughts and how you like to spend your time. I love watching you try different things and deciding whether or not you like them. My heart sings to watch you revel in the freedom of attempting things, even with the likelihood of failure.
This may be my greatest hope for you; that you are comfortable with failure. I believe this makes anything possible.
It is moments like sharing sleep and snuggles that I pray will give you the confidence and strength to know that you can try anything. For me Owen, every single thing that you try is a success. I will always be here ready to hold you if others disagree- no matter how big you are.
I love you so very much Owen, more deeply every single day. We are at the beginning, and I am so grateful.