I hear partners speak of knowing that they were “meant to be”, that it did not matter when in life they met, the result would be the same. In all honesty, my husband and I would not have chosen to marry if we had met when we were older. We are just so different. I could bore you with the details, but let’s just say that I am experiencing a spiritual awakening and Kris desperately wants me to quantify it.
If Kris and I had met last week, instead of last decade, I probably would have felt the same flood of emotion, and intuitively known that this was the guy for me, but now I am smarter. I have learned that love isn’t all it takes, and that intuition is not valid. At almost 40, my life experience and practicality tell me that we should have more in common, and that our communication issues are too great to conquer. It is because of these realities that I can say with confidence; I would not choose to marry my husband again.
So today, on our ten year anniversary, I will thank God that Kris and I met when we were foolish enough to believe that love is all you need. I will count my blessings that we were naive and filled with hope. I will look at the faces in our wedding picture and smile; not because the road ahead of the two posed bodies is beautiful and full of grace, but because it was not.
Kris and I have strengthened each other and hurt each other. We have changed each other and held each other back. We have said the wrong thing, and clung to each other through sobs. We have marveled at twenty brand new toes, and lost ourselves, and each other, in the abyss of parenthood.
With all of the challenges and trouble spots in our marriage, we have found our way through, and our way back to each other. Over and over again.
I can attest that it has taken a whole lot more than than love to make it through ten years of marriage. Sometimes though, love was the only thing that held us together.
Life would be different if I had married someone else. Maybe my partner and I would yell less, and listen more. We might seek to understand the other more quickly, and not take so long to forgive. Life could be easier, even more peaceful. But then, life would be with somebody else.
When I look at our wedding picture, snapped ten years ago today, I will smile; not because our life has been beautiful and easy, but because we have lived it together.