Becoming a Better Person for My Daughter

Having a child committed me to becoming a better person for my daughter.       by Katrina Quitugua

becoming a better personMost of us have been through life events that have affected us deeply.  We do not always understand how these events have impacted us.

We may exhibit negative behavior toward a situation similar to the one which shaped us.  These behaviors are often brought on by moments of stress, or situations similar to past events that we have experienced. We must be conscious, to be aware that these behaviors are present.

Becoming a parent committed me to a journey of being the best person that I can. In order to grow, I must acknowledge where my thoughts, emotions, and behaviors come from.

Why do I react in certain ways in specific situations? If it is not the best behavior, why am I doing it?  I had to bring about a stronger sense of personal awareness to answer these questions.

I have learned to be more conscious of my actions and where their roots lie, this better arms me to stop or change a behavior before it occurs; it allows me to pause just long enough to see my subconscious and bring it to a level of consciousness.

How does this relate to parenting?

If I cannot understand my own behavior, how can I understand my daughter’s? If I cannot understand my daughter, how can I effectively communicate with her? If I cannot understand or communicate with her, how can I expect to teach her?

To effectively relate to my daughter I must understand myself. And when I do,  I can accept that my child is her own person and has her own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors- separate from my own.

If we are always reacting to our children, we are never acting with them.

I want my daughter to act with thought- to understand her actions and their effects on herself and others. This will allow her deconstruct how others’ actions affect her, too. I teach her this by practicing it myself; both In my actions and response to her and others.

I am my daughter’s most influential role model.

I believe that learning and modeling this consciousness is vital in helping my daughter become an understanding and thoughtful adult. I hope that she grows into a person who can learn how her experiences affect her as they occur instead of years later, like me.

The ability to reflect is an important one.

It was only after I acknowledged my past experiences and their specific effects on me, that I was able to change. Now I feel like a stronger, better person.

In my journey to become a better parent for my daughter, I became a better person – for myself, and this process is life long.

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One Reply to “Becoming a Better Person for My Daughter”

  1. This is so true! A few years before having my first baby I saw a counsellor. I was embarrassed to share this with friends at the time because no specific event triggered ‘getting help’ not to mention maintaining the perception that all is well and prefect in our lives. But I was 28 years old and s@#t had happened and I felt I needed an emotional clean up. On my first session I said that I didn’t want to pass my baggage onto my children…! It remains one if the best things I’ve ever done.