All Parenting Choices do not Yield the Same Results

Society teaches us that our children will overcome whatever we throw at them, but all parenting choices do not yield the same results.

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We have been conditioned to believe that children are resilient and can overcome anything- that they will “get over” being left to cry, spanked, put in time-out and having the affection of their mother withheld. I suppose evaluating this statement depends on what we wish for our children.

For my children, I wish them lifelong self confidence- the kind that I have found at 38 years old. I wish them a feeling of security and happiness. I hope that they will view their world as a good and positive place worthy of their engagement.

It is not chance whether or not my children possess these things and view the world this way. The choices that I make during every interaction with them could determine it.

That seems like a lot of pressure on parents. It is.

Personally, I have a long way to go, and I am improving every day. So is my husband. We fully understand that the goal is not perfection, but improvement. We know that every time we choose to love and support our children unconditionally we are giving our children the gifts of security, self confidence, peace and happiness. These gifts are then shared with the world.

I hold my child tightly every day, because every day I am reminded that life is precious and humanity is lacking. I give my child a home free of violence and full of unconditional love, because it will make a difference in who she will become and how she sees the world.

Some children may never experience this. They may never grow to know the love of family or even to experience life. My heart aches for these children every day.

They are the most important members of a society, and they are the most vulnerable.  If there is something wrong with our society it is a direct product of the last generation, who is the product of the one before it.
Children are a reflection of their environment. If we continue to perpetuate a lack of compassion for people, we will continue to see it.
                                                                                   Katrina Quitugua

My husband and I are committing to creating more moments of compassion with our children. We are trying not to be annoyed by them or feel inconvenienced by them. We do not want our children to have to overcome anything artificially created by us. We want them to have a solid and loving foundation which they can steadily rely on as they move through life.

All parenting choices do not yield the same results. We try to make choices that will result in confident, peaceful and loving people.  This choice is available to all parents- all we have to do is make it.

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3 Replies to “All Parenting Choices do not Yield the Same Results”

  1. Hi Jennifer! This is my first time commenting on your blog but I have been reading some of your posts for about a month now. I agree with so much of what you say! I would like to add that when we acknowledge just how much our parenting decisions affect our children, it can be overwhelming. As you said, it is a lot of pressure, and most of us have a long way to go. I try to keep in mind that a large part of my parenting goal is not just to model calm and compassion, but also to show my children that it is okay to make mistakes. When I have an interaction with my husband or my four year old that I feel was not kind or appropriate, we take a quiet moment to talk about how it could have gone differently. The important thing to avoid is constantly making the same mistakes and apologizing for them. If we are willing to be self aware, acknowledge our mistakes, learn from them, and integrate what we learn into our behavior, we will continue to grow and change as a family without feeling that my husband and I are not doing a good enough job just because we “have a long way to go.”

    • Absolutely Caitlyn! The goal is always improvement and never perfection. I had no idea how powerful “I’m sorry ” is until I became a parent- a genuine “I’m going to make an effort to not let this happen again” I’m sorry.

      Thanks so much for adding your thoughts. I’m glad that you found us.

  2. Pingback: An Imperfect Art « The Joy of Caitlin