Quick Start: Rethinking Discipline

A concise collection of information for rethinking discipline.

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Rethinking DisciplineWhy I Don’t Choose My Battles by The Path Less Taken:

“I don’t want to view any interaction with my children as a battle.  A battle implies that it is me versus them, and that there will ultimately be a winner and a loser…  I get my way this time, and they get their way next time.  What I want instead is to find our way.  I want my children to know that I am their partner, and that I am on their side.”

What’s Wrong with Time-Outs? by Aha! Parenting:

Timeouts teach the wrong lessons, and they don’t work to create better behaved children.  In fact, they always worsen kids’ behavior. Why?

How Children Really React to Control by Thomas Gordon, Ph. D.

“It seems so obvious, then, that children don’t ever want punitive discipline, contrary to what its advocates would have us believe. No child “asks for it,” “feels a need for it,” or is “grateful for it.” And it is probably true, too, that no child ever forgets or forgives a punitive parent or teacher.”

22 Alternatives to Punishment by Jan Hunt:

“But knowing what not to do is only the first step; parents wonder what they should do instead. Unfortunately, most current parenting books and articles recommend “alternatives” which in reality are merely alternative punishments. These include time-out, denial of privileges, and so-called “logical” consequences.”

Living by Principles Instead of Rules by Sandra Dodd and Others:

“A principle internally motivates you to do the things that seem good and right. People develop principles by living with people with principles and seeing the real benefits of such a life.

A rule externally compels you, through force, threat or punishment, to do the things someone else has deemed good or right. People follow or break rules.”

And a video by Naomi Aldort:

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Comments

  1. I am excited about this way of thinking about relating to children and have bookmarked these links for future reading/watching/exploring.
    I would like to put out another resource suggestion:
    “Honey, I Wrecked the Kids” by Alyson Schafer. It is a funny, insightful book about what Alyson calls “democratic” parenting, where children have an active role in the running of family life. Her website is http://www.alyson.ca. I hope you check her out!
    N

  2. I just watched the Naomi Aldort video and the similarities between what she was saying about behaviour and what Alyson Schafer says in “Honey, I Wrecked the Kids” is striking. Alyson states that there is no such thing as “misbehaviour”, only misguided attempts to fulfil unmet needs through either attention seeking behaviour, power struggles, revengeful actions, or, finally, total disengagement (the needs being; feeling part of a community, feeling in control, feeling cared for, and feeling courageous). It makes so much sense to me that, as parents, we need to get to the root of the issue to help our children become responsible, critical-thinking and compassionate individuals.

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