This is real. This is pain.
I think of my beautiful baby boy, brand new, forced out of his comfortable fetal position and strapped down against his will. Helpless. I think of the scalpel being taken to his unsuspecting soul.
I remember myself in the hospital room, thinking of nothing but my baby. I wanted to throw up, I wanted to scream, I wanted to save him- to protect him.
Owen is 4.5 now, and I know. I realize what I put him through. I am understanding more clearly with each day that passes. Sometimes I have to stop learning the truth, because I think I might die.
Some of you will think I am being dramatic. You will think that I should just be grateful for my healthy son and that this “problem” is frivilous. It is not.
Every time I think of another baby, another mother experiencing this, I want to scream and cry and pound my fists. I want to let go and sob and tell the world how ANGRY I am. How UNJUST this is.
I want to lose my composure and speak honestly instead of carefully. I want to yell fact after fact after fact and say “WHY DO YOU NOT WANT TO KNOW? WHY DO YOU PRETEND IT IS NOT TORTURE? PLEASE LISTEN BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE”.
And I want those who hear me screaming to recognize my pain and to finally wonder “what could her motive be?” And to realize that I have never stood for anything before and that I am smart and thoughtful and do not take life or words or influence lightly. That if I am standing up for this it should be considered.
I want somebody to look me in the eyes and say “I hear you, and now I know too. I will protect our babies”.
I want people to see that I have a full life and do not need a cause. That my adult life was devoted to serving others until I had children, and that this was my God-given time to focus on my own family. Instead, I have become outraged, and I will experience total discomfort in the interest of sparing one baby, one mother.
I do not want to scare people, I want them to hear this critical information. So instead of screaming, I will continue on a smart and careful path. This is difficult information to learn. I will be sensitive and particular in how I share the truth.
I do not want to unlearn what I have learned- there is nothing blissful about ignorance when babies experience pain.
Inside though I am tormented every day; by my choice, by the fact that I did not protect my son from evil.
If you are taking a polite back seat I urge you to reconsider. Every cry of outrage matters and can change things. My own torment permits me to beg of you: please speak up. Speak up to stop a baby’s scream.
We didn’t have our little boy circumcised. We didn’t see any medical point. In Australia they are now using a thing called a bell cap or something similar. They stretch the foreskin over the little bell and tie it off. They then leave it there for a couple of days and the foreskin just drops off. My friend had her baby circumcised this way and she said he didn’t seem to notice. Seems much more humane, but honestly I can not see the point and could not have brought myself to subject my baby to that. Thanks for linking up for Flash Blog Friday
Thank you for sharing your experience. I know this pain all too well.
My first son is circumcised. The surgery was extremely painful for him, and he has had common complications that will affect him for the rest of his life — physically and emotionally. Allowing him to be circumcised is my deepest regret. Owning up to my grief and admitting to it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do as a parent, but I feel as though I am emotionally healing because of it.
My second son is healthy and whole, and has had no issues. He has benefitted and will continue to benefit from his foreskin for the rest of his life. I am so thankful we learned better and did better.
my fraternal twin boys were two months premature. one of them had to have surgery on his penis so they had to circumcise him to use the skin. we only had the other one’s done so they would “match”. I was there, I know it hurt. I feel so badly, but my husband was teased so badly in school that he didn’t want his boys to look different from each other and be teased. The one that didn’t need the surgery had to have a circumcision revision because he was still so premature when they did it the first time. I wish they had waited the first go round. They did however wait to re do it until he was 2 and did general anesthesia for the surgery. He is autistic and sensory integration dysfunction and it didn’t seem to bother him afterwards. I cannot have any more children, but if I could I wouldn’t have them circumcised this time. Like I said before, one had to be circumcised for the foreskin to be used to correct his hypospadias and chordee and the other twin’s was done so they wouldn’t be different.
Kate,
I won’t say a lot of what I’m thinking, but I will urge you to read this article: http://www.drmomma.org/2010/04/hypospadias-surgery-and-circumcision.html
And I hope any other parents who may stumble across this and have children with hypo read this and educate themselves before making an irreversible choice for their child. The foreskin is not “used” in any way to repair hypo. It is simply removed to make the surgery easier for the physician and because of our sick cultural norm.
And please remember, informed consent is your legal right. Therefore, there is no “them”; there is no “I wish THEY had waited”; there is only YOU making decisions that affect your children.
I am Greek Orthodox, and grew up with all of our boys not being circumcised. My husband is circumcised, so when we had our son he said he wanted him to be like him and that it was “cleaner”. I never questioned it and agreed. I will never forget the feeling when they took my baby boy away from me, I could not stop crying and my husband assured me it would be OK. I have no exaggeration when I say you could hear my babies screams from down the hall. After the nurse returned my son, she looked me straight in the eye and said “your baby has an attitude problem”. I never felt such hate and anger in my life.
I am sharing this because the next time I get pregnant, if I am to have another son I ask, do you have any tips, articles or recommendations on how to explain why circumcision is not OK and anything on having one child circumcised, and the other no?. You state “WHY DO YOU NOT WANT TO KNOW? WHY DO YOU PRETEND IT IS NOT TORTURE? PLEASE LISTEN BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE”.
I want to know, I want my husband to know also.
Yes, Meme. I surely do. I am out right now but will get them to you later on. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I have resources for both of the things you asked for.
Thanks I look forward to it!