It is easy to lose focus when things get crazy. It is tempting to bend just a little bit to gain a few more readers. In the interest of personal accountability I must admit that I believe None of us are Mom Enough: I need to be clear about what I believe.
We are delving into new territory with all that has unraveled in the last week and I want to be clear about what I believe.
I do not believe that Cry It Out is okay. Ever.
I do not believe that sleep training is beneficial for a child.
I believe that babies are happier and safer in bed with their parents.*
I believe that on demand breastfeeding should be practiced by every mom who is able, exclusively for 6 months. And then for at least two years after that, not necessarily on demand .
I believe that when this is done, child-led weaning will be the norm.
I understand that nearly all moms are able to breastfeed and that we have tricked them into thinking they are not.
I have learned that nearly all of these moms wish they could have breastfed.
I believe that routine infant circumcision is wrong, unacceptable and a violation of the most basic human rights.
I believe that strollers, cribs, playpens and formula are designed to distance parents from their babies and that much is lost by using them standardly.
I do not believe that any of us are mom enough. I believe that we should always be trying to improve and become better for our children.
I believe that each of us is strong enough and capable enough to fulfill this role.
I believe that we should listen to and consider why others have made the choices that they have. If we do not, this makes us ignorant and closed to change.
I believe that a new mother should be supported in whatever way she needs, and that it is her partners responsibility to make sure that happens. And that if she has no partner, then a mother, a father or a friend needs to step in.
I believe that mothers’ intuitions are primal and should be trusted above all else.
I believe that one should research and understand the implications of the choices that they make for their children. And that it is best when they can refute irrelevant knowledge with fact.
I believe that by being ambiguous we are encouraging ignorance and the perpetuation of information that is based on convenience, not fact or benefit.
I believe that big-business is behind the tragic disservice that has been done to our families.
I believe that nearly all moms and dads want what is best for their children.
I believe that all moms and dads are trying to balance more than should be expected of them, and that this forces them to make choices that are different than they would like.
I believe that mothers and fathers should have enough support to make choices that they want, instead of limited options deciding for them.
I believe that children are worthy beings; worthy of our efforts and clarity and our own inconvenience.
I believe that parents should be respectful and kind to others and their children.
I believe that in most cases we can enjoy, be friends with, and respect others- no matter our parenting choices.
I believe these conversations are important and necessary and that it is good that we are having them.
I believe that caring for our babies and our children and supporting families is the most important and beneficial change we can make for our country and our world.
What do you believe?
*always follow safe bedsharing practices
I believe you are absolutely right and hit the nail on the head.
Beautifully written – my new mantra. Thank-you x
Nice, Nikki! It always feel so comforting to hear that others feel the same way.
I believe that all parents, regardless of their position on contentious parenting issues, deserve respect from others.
I believe that “facts” and “knowledge” are subjective – your facts may not match mine. It doesn’t mean you’re right (or wrong).
I believe that on-line support groups can often encourage intolerance of differing views, and results in dismissive claims of “ignorance” – which are invariably rather hypocritical.
I believe there is no such thing as a perfect parent – those who think they are, are usually anything but.
Ken- Which subjective fact shared in this article would you like to debate? I’m game. I’m informed.
Fabulous – well done! I get sick of every one of those beliefs being challenged and being told that I should live and let live, when the excat opposite of my beliefs is rammed down my throat every day. Well done you for saying it loud and proud, thank you. Just perfect.
Ahhh, this is so well thought out. I think one of the hardest things as a parent is to acknowledge our mistakes and try to do better for our children.
One thing I also believe is that mothers should be supported and enabled to stay home and raise their children so that children are not routinely placed in daycare or preschool from a young age.
I also believe that children deserve to be protected from being bombarded from consumerism based messages, and that parents should limit or eliminate television watching by young children. After all, the whole point of television is to sell products. And commercials sell products by making people feel like they are not enough so that the product is needed to fill the void that the commercial itself has created. I know this is a radical belief and many people think I am a bit off my rocker to suggest such a thing, but it is truly what I believe and the reason why we do not have a television in our house.
Thank you for sharing your beliefs, and for holding such strong convictions for the benefit of future generations.
I agree with the last half of this. But I think it’s important to understand that one shoe does not fit all. 3 of 4 of my children were cosleepers. The last one did not sleep well when he was in the bed with me. Once he was in a crib he started sleeping through the night and he was much happier. That is just one example (I have more) of how not every child has the same needs.
In one breath you say we should be respectful of others parenting choices, and in the next you say all other parenting styles are wrong. I get so sick of hearing people put down other’s parenting styles. I don’t even parent all my children the same. Because what works for one kid doesn’t work for another. Some need more affection than others. Some don’t want to be carried everywhere in a wrap or sling, while others would love it.
I think that you are spot on that most parents want what is best for their children and make parenting choices based on that. I also think you are spot on that maternal instincts are primal, and most parents follow those instincts when it comes to parenting decisions.
I don’t doubt you are informed. But you are informed on the parenting style that suits you. I have done my share of research, and I’ve found that you can find supportive information on whatever parenting style you want, and unsupportive information on the techniques that you don’t agree with. I think instead of saying “I’m right and your wrong” we should be there for each other and support each other whichever method we find works best for us and our children.
Michelle,
Thanks so much for stopping by. I think you have misread the article… where did I say that we should be respectful of others parenting choices or that all other parenting styles are wrong? I will answer for you
I did not say this. I do not believe this.
I do not respect a parent who chooses to leave their baby to cry all alone at night. I do respect a parent who says “I did not know that it was okay to go to him. I wish I had done things differently and now I am devastated.
I do not respect the mother who says she will not try breastfeeding because it will tie her to her baby too much. I do respect the mother who says “I was misled. I did not understand how important breastfeeding is. I will breastfeed from now on.”
I do not respect the parenting choice that says “my baby needs to learn to self soothe at night so he will sleep in his own room”. I do respect the mother who says “I was so scared, I was so uninformed. I wish I had considered sharing a bed with my baby.”
I could go on.
Your assumption and proclamation that I am informed on only my own parenting style is inaccurate and ignorant. All of us are informed on cry it out, formula and crib sleeping, etc.. It is in our faces every. single. day. In addition to that, I have learned much more. As have most in the OMB community.
OMB is a little different in that it is not a place to come to defend our parenting choices. We are a place to come to “know more to do better” which makes this community exceptional. Additionally, we are steadfast in our commitment to speak for babies and children. This means that we stay out of ridiculous conversations about “judgment” and “mommy wars”. Those conversations are selfish and do nobody any good.
When you think of things only from the baby or child’s perspective, everything changes.
I believe that this is inspiring and I am thankful to have read it. I KNOW what is right for my children and that my mama instincts teach me how to care for and protect them, if only I am able to listen to them. This post helped me take an inventory of what I feel to be important to me, my children and our lives together. Infancy and childhood is such a short yet important phase. It is my job as a mother to make them know they are loved, cherished, and protected.
I cannot and could not ever fathom how telling an infant that their basic needs of safety and security and warmth/love/affection during the night are unimportant with CIO is a good idea? When questioned about co-sleeping I used to make it a joke. I am lazy and it is SO much easier to just role over and nurse the babe back to sleep, I like to snuggle them and feel their chests rise and fall with each breath, I wouldn’t dare miss one of the cute sleepy laughs, smiles or to soothe them back to sleep from a bad dream or whimper. I jokes yes, but I meant every word of it. Snuggling my girls is something I look forward to. A family bed gives us time to talk, and unwind no matter how hectic the day may have been.
Thank you for this amazing post <3
Mallory,
Gosh, that making a joke out of our lifestyle thing is so prevalent. I still find myself doing it but I try really hard not to because my life is intentional and not a joke at all. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us. It is so important for us to know we are not alone!
Good to finally see others who feel like I do, it gives me confidence and makes me feel less alone, thank you