I allowed my son to be circumcised.
Here is our story, and to sum it up I will say that until very recently I have held on to a tremendous amount of anger and regret over the fact that I made an uninformed choice. I did not know any of the facts, and believed what I was being told.
The day that Owen was circumcised was a traumatic day for both of us, and only recently have I been able to fully think about what those hours were like for me. I still cannot think about what they were like for my two day old baby.
But truly, I DID NOT KNOW. I trusted the doctors and had listened to countless stories from those around me. I heard talk about caring for the wound as thought it was a standard part of brining home a baby boy, and those around me spoke about the procedure as though it was minor. This reinforced my understanding that really, there was no other option. So I did not even think about it.
And now my child has been mutilated.
And it was I who signed the paperwork allowing it.
For a long time I coped by pretending that the facts were not true. Maybe it was to ease my guilt, or so that I would not have to think about what the day my son was circumcised was like for him. Maybe it was so that I would not have to figure out what to do with my anger.
But now, the facts are too great to ignore, and I was wrong. And I have learned.
I have learned to give myself and my children the gift of taking the time to educate myself with facts. Not just on circumcision, but all things pertaining to the well being of my babies. I am learning to challenge what I am being told when it does not feel right.
Because my mother’s intuition is never wrong. Even if those around me try to tell me that it is.
Most importantly though, I have learned that I somehow have to find a way to make some sort of peace with the mistakes that I have made. For some of my choices this will be more difficult, and for some it may even be impossible.
But I am going to try. Part of this process for me is sharing what I have learned. Because I do not want another mother to feel this way. There are great resources and lots of support out there if you look for it.
And today I want to leave those of you who wish you had chosen differently, with the thought that started my own healing process. I hope it can do the same for you.
“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I can do better.”
Doing better for me, starts here.Thank you for spending some time with Our Muddy Boots. Join us on Facebook or Twitter for more conversation and inspiration. Or you can subscribe to have each post delivered right to your inbox or reader by clicking that orange and white button at the very top of the page. I hope that you will visit often, we are glad that you are here!