Welcome to the “I’m a Natural Parent – BUT…” Carnival
This post was written for inclusion in the carnival hosted by The Artful Mama and Natural Parents Network. During this carnival our participants have focused on the many different forms and shapes Natural Parenting can take in our community.
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I do not know why I chose disposable diapers, it has always bothered me. But these kids are adorable anyway 
Each time I diaper my child, I feel bad. Both for the environment and my daughters little body. I share a bed, nurse my four-year old and we have committed to homeschooling, but for some reason cloth diapers are not a practice I adopted.
I did not really think about it when my first child was born. I became overwhelmed with my high need baby and was trying to figure out if I was really going to hurt him by bringing him into bed with me, and I was too tired from staying up all night while he slept peacefully on my chest.
I was barely getting by.
When my daughter was born I tried to dole out enough love and attention to both of my children. And I wanted my beautiful, wonderful son to know how important he still was to both his dad and I. I became overwhelmed again, but for different reasons.
So I did not take time to research; which cloth diapers to buy, how to clean them, if they were waterproof. Now I know that none of these things mattered, and that I should have switched.
I dislike putting all of those chemicals on my daughters skin so many times each day, and I wish I had been more aware of the concept of natural living before I had children. But everything changes when you have a child. Things are suddenly more important.
And for the last few months I have thought about switching. Things have been calmer, we have adjusted. My mental energy has freed up.
But now my daughter is using the potty. Not all the time, but she’s trying. Of her own accord, not mine. So I have missed my opportunity.
But if I have another child this is something I will commit to from the beginning. There are several important choices that I will make differently.
Because now I know. And I did not before. And somehow I have to let go of the guilt I feel for making these uninformed choices. I also need to learn to let go of the anger I harbor toward all of those who deceived me while I was trying so desperately to make positive and healthy choices for my precious children.
Maybe once Sydney is totally out of diapers I will breathe a little easier. And maybe I will hold on to just one diaper. To remind me of how important it is to be informed.
For the sake of my children.
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This carnival was created by The Artful Mama and Natural Parents Network. We recognize that “natural parenting” means different things to different families, and we are dedicated to providing a safe place for all families, regardless of where they are in their parenting journeys.
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
- My kid is a technophile — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction hasn’t turned in her natural parenting card yet, even though her son prefers electronic toys
- I’m a Natural Parent, but…I use medicine! — Adrienne at Mommying My Way admits that while she hesitates to do so, sometimes she does give her son some medicine when his symptoms get really bad.
- I’m Only Half Planning a Natural Birth — Shannon at The Artful Mama discloses how she is planning her semi-natural hospital birth and still dares to call herself a Natural Parent.
- Why we aren’t rear facing — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes talks about her decision to turn her one-year-old daughter’s carseat around, and how the argument always given for extended rear facing makes her feel.
- Musings of an Almost Crunchy Momma — Valerie at Momma in Progress re-examines her list of natural parenting litmus tests.
- Natural Parenting Does Not Equal Perfect Parenting — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama admits to several not-so-natural parenting and lifestyle practices.
- 10 Reasons to Revoke My Natural Parent Card — Laura at WaldenMommy: Life Behind the Red Front Door discusses why some of her less-than-crunchy practices are better for her family.
- I’m a Natural Parent – BUT… MacNCheese is Awesome. — Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy reveals her penchant for some far from healthy eating, cheap food recipes.
- Crunchy on the Inside — Wolfmother at Fabulous Mama Chronicles muses about how the stereotype of a natural parent does not do justice to the very dynamic group that this parenting philosophy attracts.
- My Reality — Megan from The Other Baby Book confesses a few things about her parenting.
- I’m Crunchy But… — Christy at Mommy Outnumbered shares confessions on all of her “non” crunchy ways.
- I’m A Natural Parent, But…it took me awhile — It took Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling awhile before fully understanding and appreciating Natural Parenting.
- I Am Not a Perfect Natural Parent — Momma Jorje shares her dirty little secrets as a mostly natural parent.
- Crunchy, But Not Crunchier Than Thou — Instead of comparing yourself to others, Dionna at Code Name: Mama encourages you to give yourself permission to be as crunchy as you can for right now.
- I’m a natural parent but…I love bedtimes — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle would never let her children cry-it-out, but she has a selection of other methods to encourage early bedtimes.
- I’m a Natural Parent – BUT… — Lani at Boobie Time Blog believes that following the principles of Natural Parenting doesn’t mean you fit a stereotypical mold of societal view.
- Confessions of a Low Supply Mom — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children confesses her insecurities about being a low supply mom.
- I’m a natural parent, but. . . — Not eating her placenta is just one of the ways Ashley at Mama Raw falls short at being a natural parent.
- I’m a Natural Parent But…I have a Few Confessions — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment strives to be a Natural Mama, but wait, she has a few confessions!
- I’m a Natural Parent BUT — Carrie at LoveNotesMama confesses her gratitude for disposable diapers.
- Intestinal Dissection — Melissa from White Noise talks about how imperfection can be beautiful when it is buffered with love.
- How much sugar is too much? — Tat at Mum in Search shares how her no-sugar policy evolved into a balancing act, with the balance point not where she’d like to see it.
- I’m a Natural Parent, but. . . — Amyables at Toddler In Tow talks about three of her parenting habits that are not super “natural.”
- Minus Ten Crunchy Points — Joella at Fine and Fair discusses how some of her parenting choices seen as “too crunchy” by those she knows in real life could get her kicked out of the crunchy mom clubs online.
- The Natural Parent “Model” — Kym at Our Crazy Corner of the World talks about her love for not-so-natural cosmetics and beauty products.
- Nice to meet you. — Eileen at Love & Greens talks about how being a natural mama means something different to her every day.
- I’m a natural parent…BUT… — Ashley at Daisy Pedals touches on several natural parenting topics; from cloth diapers to cleaning with natural cleaners.
- I’m a natural parent, but you’d be surprised — Lauren at Hobo Mama confesses to liking diet soda and TV and having lost all her reusable shopping bags.
- I’m a Natural Parent, but…. I don’t shop local — Luschka at Diary of a First Child confesses one of her greatest ‘natural’ failures – she doesn’t shop local and support her community, despite wishing she could.
- Who You Callin’ Natural? (a Carnival of Natural Parenting Contribution) — A bit of premise exposition, some tongue-in-cheek filler, and a photographic list of all the ways Embrita Blogging cheats at being natural.
- Dirty Secrets of a Green & Natural Mama (and Why I’m Not Afraid to Share Them!) — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares her definition of what it means to be a perfect mama as well as a few of her dirty little secrets.
- Green Mommy Guilt — Jen at Jen and Joey Green talks about how being a perfect Green Mom is overrated.
- Life Coping Devices — Amy at Anktangle discusses two (“non-AP”) coping strategies her family has used for getting through difficult times with her son: the pacifier and the stroller.
- We use disposable diapers. There. I said it. — The mama at Our Muddy Boots shares a bed, nurses her 4 year old, is vegetarian, and is committed to homeschooling; but Pampers adorn her child’s bottom. Ugh!
- Committed to Cloth, but… — Sheila at A Living Family affirms her love of cloth diapering, despite the draw of disposables.
- Natural Parenting as a Doorway to Deep Truths — Amy from Peace for Parents guest posts at Natural Parents Network and shares how for her “natural parenting” is much less about a definition and much more an avenue to explore truths of life.
- Chicken No-nos — Jessica at Pace Family Place strives to live naturally but feeds her oldest son some not-so natural things
I was also overwhelmed with the decisions I needed to make when my son was born. I actually had no idea what “natural parenting” was or what any of those decisions could mean for him. I think you are doing a great job though with the choices you have made. Thank you for sharing your post with us.
I sounds Iike you’ve done the absolute best you can in each moment, and that you want to do better in the future, if given the opportunity. I think that’s all we can ever ask of ourselves, don’t you? =)
It sounds like you’ve done the absolute best you could in each moment, and that you want to do better in the future, if given the opportunity. I think that’s all we can ever really ask of ourselves, don’t you think? =)
Amen to the statement about letting go of guilt. We all work with the information we have. CD’ing can be overwhelming, even when you have friends who can help you explore all of the options.
Jennifer, thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings openly for the rest of us to grow from. I am sorry you have negative feelings around diapering. As you read in my post, I have had my own struggle weaning myself off disposables and getting back to cloth. I have to say, the amount of choices and the varying bodies of babies can make the endeavor time consuming (just to figure out which ones to get!) and costly…exactly what it’s not supposed to be. Even with cloth diapers there are chemicals to consider. And just think, while I was on the internet researching away, you were loving on your babies. Where’s the harm in that? Here’s to a smooth journey out of diapers for your little one….
sheila
You are a thoughtful momma.
We alternate between cloth and disposables. I am also surprised at the options for “healthier” disposables these days. We don’t always use that sort, but appreciate the options and limit the use of the type you speak of to just a bit of time each day/night.
Ultimately, we do need to find what works for us and strive for what will work in the future. Nice to meet you here today.
Someone once told me: “you don’t know what you don’t know.” I take comfort in that statement for alleviating some of my guilt for not knowing much early on in my mothering days, but also use it as a battle cry of sorts to make sure that I am knowing more when I don’t know much about something, particularly if it is a generally accepted, mainstream practice which so often needs some good, thorough, informed analysis.
Thanks for sharing your story!
-Kerry @ City Kids Homeschooling
Cloth diapers are not easy! I think they get easier as your using them, but seriously it takes some time and investment to get into them. At least your looking ahead and doing the best you can!
If you hold onto a disposable diaper, I hope it instead reminds you that you made the brave and loving decision to put your children’s needs and your own needs FIRST.
Look at it this way, if you had cloth diapered, something else would have been sacrificed. Breastfeeding, maybe, or baby wearing, or perhaps just the time you had to spend with your children would have been scarified so you could do more laundry.
I applaud you for not feeling pressured to sacrifice what was truly important to you, and for knowing your limits. Knowing your limits and also putting Time and Love before a principle you feel you should adhere to is a wonderful lesson for your children.
Try not to let what you/others feel you “should” do bully yourself into regretting all the GOOD you DID do. The guilt is worse for you than disposables are for the kids or the environment! Stand proud for loving your children and putting them and yourself first!
And you know, I’m willing to bet between homeschooling and breastfeeding you are doing more for them and the environment than cloth diapering does. Give yourself credit for that.
I wrote about this topic too. I’m grateful for disposables. Cloth diapering was just a step too far for me as I took on parenting for the first time. My mom had died recently, my family didn’t live close by- I just refused to add more stress on myself to do something I wasn’t familiar or comfortable with.
(HUGS)
I really like what Carrie said: if you had cloth diapered, something else would have been sacrificed. I totally agree! You made the choice you made, and it’s done, and you can never know the amount of extra time you had with your kids because of the choice you made. I cloth diapered my son for just over a year and I spent SO MUCH time (and money) on laundry and trying different products to get out stains and spending so much time in my damn basement washing and drying and hanging diapers. We never found a kind that really worked well for him and finally switched to disposables. Chosing one over another doesn’t make you ill-informed necessarily. A lot of informed people chose disposables for various reasons and that’s okay too. Cloth require a lot of work and depending on water and laundering costs, it can really add up. Additionally, I never cease to be surprised at people who cloth diaper, but pour all sorts of chemicals in there to get them clean and smelling fresh. I say all that to say this: be easy on yourself! You can’t undo the past and you may have been among the many who purchased a ton of cloth diapers (like me) that you didn’t end up being able to use, or you may have (like me) resented the amount of time it took away from your little babes.
You sound like a very thoughtful and beautiful mama. I wouldn’t give the diaper choice another thought. You are good enough, just as you are, no matter what covers the buns of your little people!
I hear ya! We went the same route. I felt bad about it for a while but you know what? Our son has never had a rash from his diapers, and we are super eco-friendly in so many other ways, so our net footprint is still small. Disposables are what worked for us int he moment and they still do. Although I applaud mothers who do cloth, I don’t regret our choices one bit!
The best part about blogging is being exposed to ideas that I had not considered and receiving encouragement to go easier on myself.
I had never thought of the fact that I may have saved some frustration and time theft by sticking with disposables. I had also never considered the chemicals used to clean cloth.
This all makes me feel better and less guilty
More importantly though, these comments have given me the idea that I can forgive myself for other choices, too. Choices with permanent results.
Thanks so much to all of you, this exchange has been a gift.