I captured this moment so I would remember. The size of her hands. The too small PJs that are still her favorite. The morning sun streaming through our window onto her workspace. That she loves for me to sit with her and talk while she creates.
I picked up my phone to collect a moment. One that I wanted to keep not tangible, of course, but visible. Maybe enough of these images will allow me to revisit their childhood. The mundane everyday living that we do.
Except I know none of it is mundane. Enough of those who have gone before remind me: it goes fast. Soon, they will be big and won’t be sitting in that spot anymore. Soon it will only be memories and photographs.
I heed these nuggets of wisdom. I didn’t always. Now, I let these seemingly unimportant moments envelope me as often as I can. I soak them in, right along with my children.
I understand it’s these minutes in the days that predict our future- our relationship, the way they speak to themselves, whether or not they will come around.
So I invest in our future. I’m learning to listen. To look. To watch. To get the glass of water happily. To make the third dinner gratefully. Not because I’m a doormat, or because they are spoiled, but because I get to be their mother.
For so long I fought motherhood- stuck in the inequity of it all. Now I see that it is not I on the receiving end of inequity.
When my daughter references a pony, it is I who knows the backstory. When my son levels up, it is I who watched him get there and can celebrate fully with him. It is I who knows which one prefers ice and who likes their grilled cheese with little butter.
By default, it is I who knows my children better than anyone. How inequitable that I get to know them so well.
When I look back at these collected moments it is I who might be transported back- to the smell, the feel of the sun on my face as I watch her, the sound of my 7 year old’s voice as she chatters away about all of the important things.
Perfection isn’t in my wheelhouse, but savoring moments is. How lucky I am to have so many important minutes everyday to collect.