Many of us want to embrace positive parenting. We are inundated with step by step guides, so that is what we have come to expect. Like all real change though, this one takes work- our own work, not somebody else telling us how to do it.
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We read a lot about what not to do, and have no idea what to do. The woman writing this piece just told you that you have to figure all of this out yourself (the nerve!). (In fact, make sure you read this piece before you continue).
I know that feeling of desperation though- where do I start? I do not even know where to begin looking! In addition to my own experience, there are multiple resources that helped me get started, and they might help you too. I am bringing them all together for 30 Days of Positive Parenting (as I said, you must read this piece first or you are going to be really disappointed!).
Bookmark this page. Refer to it often. Read and watch every single thing that is included. Whether it is written by me, or somebody else, VIEW IT! Even if my writing is poor, or the video skips- use them! Glean what is useful and file the rest away for later.
For researching on your own, I can recommend the following authors with confidence. You will not find a single punitive suggestion, nor a truth altered in order to make life more convenient for us.
This list is extremely small because I am still learning, and most authors resort to something punitive along the way. You can read any words written by any of the names above and know that they will help you to connect with your children, every time. There are lots of other wonderful writers and bloggers out there who will offer great perspective too- some of them I will share over the next 30 days. Remember though, you have to filter out what does not feel right so that you can find something that does.
Use the next 30 days to start the process; to get you thinking differently, and to gain confidence that parenting differently is not as lonely as it seems.
This is a start, it is a beginning. If you truly want to shift things in your home, you will. It will not be easy, and probably will not be pretty. It will be worth it though.
If you choose to skim the articles shared over the next 30 days, watch only part of them, or read just the highlights, one of two things is happening:
- the writing sucks and you cannot bare to read it (if it is mine you are likely right)
- you are not really committed to change and want a magic pill to make it happen
From here it is up to you.
*This is broken into 4 weeks (one piece per day) for several reasons; 1. so that you have time to reflect on each piece and observe it in daily life, 2. so that you have time to spend on your own researching ideas that are new for you, and 3. so that you do not become overwhelmed!
Week 1 will focus on preparing yourself. You must set the stage for being able to absorb the information that will be shared with you. It will be different, it might even feel scary. Get ready Mamas and Dads!
I hope this first video serves as a source of inspiration- to take your time, to be gentle with yourself, and to recognize that this is a long and ongoing process:
Parenting is Journey, Not a Destination
Let’s Start with How to Be a Good Parent:
“Parenting is hard! Many of us want a quick and easy solution to ensure that our children have the best life possible. We wonder how to be a good parent. Here are some useful ideas:” Click here to read.
A great beginning to this process is Opening Our hearts to Our Children:
“What do we need to give up? Control? Self-doubt? Personal shame? Maybe we need to face and deconstruct our own childhood experiences, or acknowledge that we are parenting in an attempt to finally gain our own parents approval?” Click here to read.
As you read through pieces by others, it is important to ask yourself if it is encouraging you to bully your children in any way (the authors provided in the list above will never encourage this).
“What if our efforts to stop bullying are misguided? What if the real solution comes long before our children enter school or set foot on a playground? What if bullying comes from us? Click here to Read
Now, let’s set the stage for what we are working toward:
“You say you want to know what to do instead of what not to do. You say you want to learn how to live more peacefully in your home. If you mean it, you will read these articles in their entirety. You will bookmark this page and read them over and over again until you fully understand them. This, my friends, is it. Thisis what my family and I are working toward.” Click here to Read.