Those of us in the “crunchy” parenting blogger community have all accepted that circumcision is a human rights violation. Together, we advocate and educate for the protection of our most helpless members of our society.
The OMB Facebook page lost a LOT of “likes” from openly stating that the photo below was an irresponsible choice on the part of the group that created it. We are not out to win a popularity contest, and when it comes to babies, we will always side with them. No matter how many fans we lose.
We cannot verify the intentions of the picture, so let us deconstruct what we can see.
1. A bright, cheery, happy mom’s head rests on the words “he is circumcised”. Intended or not, the message here is “I chose to have my son circumcised. He’s happy, I’m happy. There’s no problem here, folks”. In reality, those of us who learned the truth of circumcision too late struggle deeply and daily with what we chose for and stole from our son.
2. Co-sleeping is something that many believe is best for baby. Choosing whether or not to sleep with your baby is not a human rights violation.
3. Working outside of the home is something that many believe is not in the best interest of the baby. Choosing to work outside of the home is not a human rights violation.
4. Exclusively breastfeeding baby is something nearly everyone acknowledges as best for baby. Choosing not to breastfeed is not a human rights violation.
5. Circumcision is making a choice for a non-consenting minor that permanently and unnecessarily removes healthy, functioning and useful tissue. Circumcision is a human rights violation.
6. The above photo comes from a group whose name leads one to believe that they are in tune with their bodies, their babies, and their babies’ bodies. There is an assumption that they will promote stuff that is good and natural and whole. Circumcision is none of those things and is not a parenting choice.
7. The words celebrate and circumcise are used in the same message. There is nothing to celebrate about circumcision.
8. It is more popular and is easier to be diplomatic and suggest that everything is okay for everybody. This is not true. Circumcision is “lumped” in with three other things that promote “mommy wars”. This suggests that circumcision is controversial and that each family needs to make the decision for themselves- like co -sleeping and working outside of the home. This is not true. Circumcision should be decided only by the owner of the penis.
9. ”We do things differently” suggests that we adopt the “to each their own” mentality when it comes to circumcision. It asks us to accept circumcision as a valid choice.
10. For anyone who knows anything about the history of circumcision, the function of the foreskin or the procedure itself, the mother in the purple shirt and her words jump out like a preschool activity worksheet entitled “which one of these things doesn’t belong”?
11. This image pushed many who were “on the fence” about circumcision over the edge- toward circumcision.
12. This image trivialized the pain and sorrow that many mothers who found out the truth too late are dealing with.
13. This image fueled the argument of pro-circers who can now say: “look, even CRUNCHY people think it’s good!”
Don’t believe me? Go check out the thread on our Facebook page.
14. Personally, what saddens me most about this is that the idea of “crunchy” is so grossly misrepresented. I am not a fan of labels, but they exist. People associate this term with practices that are good for one’s body and the Earth. The page who published this image preyed on that. Their likes may have grown, but at the cost of selling themselves out. Most of us who blog under the “crunchy” label have a tremendous amount of integrity and choose right over popular. Every time.
It is my observation that this group is suggesting that those of us who are angered by this image are holding mothers who chose to circumcise responsible. They are using the button -pushing catch -phrase that we are “judging” and that we should stop. Again, this is a VERY popular thing to say. Many mothers get all excited when we start talking about judging- maybe it justifies decisions so that they do not have to think about them. I am not sure.
For anyone who has done any work on themselves, they are aware that judging is only something that we can do to ourselves. Any time we catch ourselves thinking of this, we stop to think about what is making us uncomfortable.
This was a sad and upsetting day for baby boys. An organization who we expected to stand up for them, opted for diplomacy. And following the recent AAP statement, it feels worse.
There was a graceful way to handle this situation. As soon as this group realized what was happening they could have said: “we did not realize the message that we were sending. Our intent was not to promote or celebrate circumcision, but to acknowledge that we all love our children no matter what choices we have made. We are going to remove this photo until we come up with something more accurate”.
And then they could have shared this:
Click here to read another perspective on the first photo above.
Keep the deconstruction going. What can you add? What makes the first image above wrong?
All very well-put, OMB!! I heartily agree. And I would add, the thing that bothers me most is that this store used a sensitive subject to make money. If people who, deep down, feel guilty about circ’ing see that these folks think it’s “okay,” then they’ll feel validated. They’ll feel better about denying their true feelings and those of their children. And the folks at that store are preying on all the people who have made a mistake, AND THE BABIES WHO ARE SUFFERING, in order to make a buck. I think it’s extremely low, calculating, and evil even.
I love it. I love that you questioned her integrity too. It’s easy to play the “can’t we all just get along” card. It makes everyone feel safe and warm. It’s manipulative and taking the coward’s way out. Thank you for being a voice for babies who don’t have one. Thank you for being here to educate and not win a popularity contest. Thank you for having the courage to reflect on your own actions and acknowledging what can be done differently in your child’s best interest and being an inspiration to other parents to have to the courage to do the same. Thank you for enduring relentless ridicule week after week to be the change you wish to see in the world.
I think acknowledging our humility as mothers is much more appropriate and helpful than admonishing the growing number of people who express dissenting views on a topic that so many Americans are uneducated about. Thanks for the revised image and for putting into words what my heart was feeling yesterday.
I think it wouldn’t have bothered me like it did if it had just read “I had him circumcised” and didn’t have them all grinning like idiots. Some of us DO have circumcised children, and DO love them.
But it’s the way it’s presented so flippantly and cheerfully, and as though it’s a *feature of the child* rather than something *she did* to him. Talk about not owning your actions. You feel as though if you criticise that photo, you’ll be seen as criticising the child, as it’s a feature of *HIM*, as in, ‘he’s got autism’.
That it reads, rather defiantly, ‘He is circumcised’ promotes circumcision and is out of keeping with the rest of the messages.
I think that so often people hide behind the concept of “judgmental” . . . it’s as if we cannot share our opinions and beliefs because our very beliefs reek of judgment. That’s a really cowardly way to look at life. We are moms and yes, we each have our own opinions, yes some of us are judgmental, in fact, some of us are even downright condescending. However, when we disagree with one another we stand the greatest chance of learning. And I mean true learning, not just evolution of our own beliefs and opinions but the gaining of knowledge we might never have had without one fantastic thing – discussion! It greatly saddens me to hear that people would unfriend your wonderful page because you have an opinion. In fact, you have a HUGE opinion. If you believed that baby boys were being mutilated and tortured unnecessarily and didn’t make a big stink about it that would be ludicrous. I am not sure how anyone who has ever watched a video of a circumcision could even begin to counter the claim that it’s wrong. I am however a political nut and I would challenge the suggestion of any legislation (you didn’t mention it but I did get the feeling that you think it should be against the law). Here’s the problem with that . . . most people still view circumcision as a parental right (it shouldn’t be, but it has been for thousands of years). If we make a law dictating parents rights on this issue It very well could have impact on future legislation (like it’s very commonly accepted that vaccines are good, but we choose not to vaccinate . . it is also commonly thought among medical professionals that cosleeping is a “risk” factor for SIDS, but I don’t think they should be allowed to tell me where my baby should sleep). You may not see these other issues as human rights issues, but others do. I don’t know if that makes sense (and I’m not disagreeing with you, I cried when I heard my kiddos new brother was circ’d, it’s awful!). I guess what I’m trying to say is that I greatly appreciate what you do to change this issue – educate!
Ashlie,
That makes total sense to me. It is why I spend my time advocating in this way rather than fighting for legislation to change. I am not a big government person anyway (shocking, right?
) So I do believe that the best scenario is that each parent CHOOSES to allow their son this human right.
You’ve given me lots more to think about and I always appreciate that. Thanks so much for coming by and sharing your thoughts.
Jen
I actually saw the revised photo first. I had to click around to find the original & I spit my coffee on my keyboard when I did. The revised is SO much better. Circumcision is wrong. If it’s wrong (& illegal) to do to girls then it’s wrong (& should be illegal) to do to boys. I have no problem with people who have circumcised their boys BEFORE the knew every thing & have since then realized & admitted they made a mistake. I have a problem with people choosing to circumcise their babies after the truth has been shown to them or playing it off like it’s not a big deal. I will not hesitate to end a friendship over this. This is bigger than any one person.
Kristie,
I know what you mean. My jaw literally dropped as that mom in the purple shirt jumped out at me. We have a lot of work to do :/
Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.
Jen
Oh no. I saw this photo on fb. I saw the circ comment. Something didn’t feel right about liking it but I did. Now that I have read this I understand why I shouldnt have liked it. Why it didnt feel right – because it is obviously (now) very wrong. But I want to share the reason I liked it – why I clicked the like button instead of scrolling past it or better yet objecting it.
1. Because I have friends who circ’d their kids and I know how much they love them dispite their inability to see the truth about how bad circ is.
2. Because I believe in co-sleeping and breastfeeding so anything that promotes them is usually great.
3. I have mum friends who have to work and they feel guilty and I want them to know its ok.
4. Because I really do just want the mummy wars to end. The people that get involved in them are normally great parents dispite and/or because of their choices. It’s the mums who don’t care. That leave their babies that lock them in cars while they drink, that abuse their children – these are the mums we should be warring with.
That is why I liked this photo. I regret liking it now because you have shown me that circ is not at all like the other choices – it shouldn’t even be a choice. And I knew that, it was the red flag in my mind when I saw it but I just didn’t think hard enough as to why I felt uneasy about clicking the like button. I dont know how to find it to unlike it.
Louise,
Yes! And those three reasons are three of the reasons we are so angered by this image. My own son is circumcised- I surely love him like crazy.
It looks as though you are from outside of the US. Here in the US circumcisions are a standard part of the birth procedure. Just like… well, being born! That is changing because of the work that so many are doing, but we must continue.
Sharing with people the reasons that this image was inaccurate, offensive and manipulative is important- for the very observations that you shared above. This image only fuels the so called “mommy wars” and for the same reason they were created in the first place; to earn a buck (or a “like”).
Thank you so much for openly sharing your thoughts. It is inspiring to watch somebody admit that they have changed their mind. Truly.
Jen
You are correct. I am not from the US. I am from AUS. I think it is horrible that infant circ is still so popular and I am so glad that in my family it is not even an option. I am with some of your other posters – it is a time when I seriously re-consider friendships when someone chooses circ after hearing all the reasons not too.
I love love love your blog and the work you do for babies and the way you can dissect things for the greater good. Thank you so much for this post and many of your others. It is no exaggeration when I say reading your blog has changed my life!
I believe you entirely missed the point of this photo. You don’t get to solely define the term crunchy, and you most definitely don’t get to purposefully exclude me. As an observant Jew, I was proud to welcome my sons into the covenant of Bris Milah. I understand that you don’t believe it to be appropriate, but it doesn’t make me any less of a crunchy parent. The point of the photo was that we may have some differences, but are ultimately on the same side when it comes to our parenting style. It was a call to inclusion, not exclusion. Are you not able to see the bigger picture?
I also have to wonder if this was purposefully posted on Rosh Hashanna with the hopes that nobody would notice?
I do see the bigger picture and I did not miss the point of this photo. I got it. Completely and totally.
I would have found this an interesting conversation if it were not for the accusation at the end.
I agree completely with this poster. There IS reason to celebrate circumcision in some cases.
The point of this was not to bully people who make a different parenting decision, but in fact to say that we all make our own choices. You may ask why I have a say in what happens to my son’s penis. I have to ask what makes you think that you have a say in my son’s penis?
In addition to that, I find it interesting that you call attention to the purple shirt… while the baby in that pair has the least imposing outfit. In addition, the purple shirt makes it a bit more difficult to read the darker print than the other shirts do, and thus the purple shirt makes the words jump out less than when they are on the other lighter colored shirts.
Sarah,
In which cases are there reason to celebrate circumcision?
I do not believe I have a say in what happens to your son’s penis. It is his penis and cosmetic surgery to remove a huge part of it should be his choice. While it is a culturally accepted (and profit driven) myth, circumcision is not a parenting choice. It is a basic human right. We are the only country in the world who routinely circumcises our infants. And it is not recommended by any medical organization in the world.
I know this is tough to hear. Believe me I know. My own son is circumcised. We owe it to our children and grandchildren to learn the truth. No matter how much it hurts.
Genital integrity is a birth right, Period. The only time I celebrate circumcision is when a man (over 18 years old) decides that it is best for HIS body!
Performing ritual surgery on an infant that cannot possibly practice your religion (not his) is not appropriate in 2012. I’m sure G_d will understand.
It’s not an accusation, merely a question.
Either you were aware that it was the beginning of the High Holidays or you were completely unaware of the High Holidays – either way it leaves all Jews out of the ‘crunchy’ community. I find that problematic.
Elisheva,
It might be of interest to you to know that there are many Jewish parents who are choosing something called Brit Shalom. instead of circumcision. There is more about it on this site, too (Beyond the Bris).
I cannot appreciate how sensitive this subject is for you, though I always try.
There is such a thing as an unintended coincidence. Moreover, most of us goyim are not aware of the Jewish ritual calender.
I would like to note that Brit Shalom is a wonderful and fully valid option for welcoming a beautiful jewish baby boy into the faith!
Elisheva, I hope you will consider Brit Shalom for a future son now that you know it is an option!
Love to all!
I totally agree with you in every point but one: I do believe that ‘choosing’ not to breastfeed is also a violation of human rights. A baby has a basic human right to be fed appropriately. We know that imitation milk causes short-term and long-term health issues. We know that it can compromise everything from immune systems to intelligence to social issues (remember the Australian study that found that children who were breastfed were far less likely to divorce in later life?).
Many mothers feel for some reason that they can’t breastfeed, or they didn’t know the dangers of artificial milk. Just like some mothers just did not know the damage they were doing when they chose to circumcise. As a people, we can’t point fingers at individual women struggling to do their best, but we sure as heck can stand up and say, “Our culture failed you and your baby hugely. We are sorry and we will do better.” We need to do much, much better as a society to both educate parents and to provide meaningful support for them to make good decisions in those early months and years.
Gwen,
Spot on. I agree. I need to adjust the piece accordingly. Thank you. That line “Our Culture has failed you and your baby hugely. We are sorry and we will do better.” That is precisely it. May I use that? I will give you full credit (provide me with what you would like that to be). Thank you so much for you sharing these thoughts.
Goodness, thank-you! I was caught up in a hurricane and after-effects and nearly forgot I’d posted on your blog. I was unsure about the reception that might receive: I find myself astonishingly often on the ‘wrong’ side of feminism (a movement dear to me) because of my beliefs about what children not just need, but must have from *their mothers*. So, I tread fearfully. Glad it struck the right chord with you.
Yes of course you must use that phrase if you feel it will help in some way. No need to credit me in anyway…I feel it’s your conversation in your virtual living room that I have been so lucky to partake in.
Thanks for all you do!
Gwen
As a circumcised man, and a “semi-crunchy” dad, I fully endorse the SECOND picture. It was not my my parents’ right to circumcise me. It is not their penis that bears the scar today. I also know my parents love me immeasurably, but this does not make me magically whole again. Knowing the truth in time luckily saved my son, but it can’t undo my parents’ “choice” for me. It should have been my choice, and anyone who says differently is only trying to assuage their own guilt. I’m not angry at parents who circumcise, but I will fight until there’s no more breath in me against the culture that failed me and countless others. We have no right to do this to our sweet, innocent children. And they are the ones who will grow up bearing the scars of our supposed choice.
Lars,
Thank you so much for sharing your honest words. As you well know, so often we women hear that “this is not our business because we don’t have a penis”. As you also know, it is very much my business. I had the power and legal “right” to steal this choice from my own son. And I did. How can anyone say it is not my business?
Words like yours are powerful because who can dispute them? Thank you so much for sharing. If you would every like to guest post on OMB, the space is here.
Jen
I blame the American obsession with making the penis bald on medical school professors who fail to lead, fail to exercise common sense. I do NOT blame American parents. Except Snooki, who said blatantly on the Jimmy Kimmel show that she wanted her son circumcised so that he could have a “normal” sex life!
The truth about circumcision is an intensely sexual truth, whose grasp requires setting aside a great deal of customary reticence about human sexuality. It requires a mental journey into the most sexual part of male anatomy. This can be very difficult for some mothers. The midwestern boys among whom I grew up a half century ago were unable to talk about circumcision, and I suspect that the same was true of most of their parents.